Double Clutchin’-The Year In Silly Driver Awards
Written by Rocky Kitts · November 23, 2008
Well, Jimmie Johnson won his third-straight championship by doing what he had to do at Homestead: not crashing. Carl Edwards won another race by having just a touch more fuel than everyone else did and he did his part to at least made the first part of the race interesting. Now, with the final race of the season out of the way and the end of the NASCAR season upon us, it is now the time to give out the awards for this season. These were thought out over a great deal of time (about 30 seconds) and it is my sincere wish that all of the drivers honored will be deeply touched by these awards.
Plastic imaginary trophies can be found at finer K-Mart establishments nationwide:
The Cale Yarborough Award For Racing Excellence: Jimmie Johnson
The “Is This Guy A Racer Or A Pro Wrestler?” Award: Carl Edwards
The Bill Belichick Award For Coaching Ethics: Chad Knaus
The Michelle Wie “Not Ready For Prime Time” Award: Joey Logano
The Alex Rodriguez Award For Outstanding Playoff Performance: Kyle Busch
The Phil Hellmuth Biggest Brat Award: Kyle Busch
The Tampa Bay Rays Surprise Of The Season Award: Clint Bowyer
The Best Driver That No One Has Ever Heard Of Award: Greg Biff…What’s his name again? Biffle? Okay, yeah, Greg Biffle, that’s it.
The Phil Fulmer Award For Coaching Excellence: Tony Eury, Jr.
The “My God, If I Have To Watch Those One More Time, I’m Going To Stab Out My Retinas” Award: The Kasey Kahne All-State commercials
The “If My Wife Looked Like His, My Racing Would Fall Off As Well” Award: Jeff Gordon
The Hank Williams, Jr. “Pretty Good, Never Gonna Be His Dad, And That’s Okay” Award: Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
The “These Guys Caused More Crashes Than Michael Waltrip” Award: Goodyear Tires
The Jan Brady “I Hate My Sibling” Award: Kurt Busch
The “What Do You Mean I Didn’t Win” Award: Carl Edwards for winning two more races, having four more top fives, and five more top tens than Jimmie Johnson, but ending up in second place in the points.
The “I Thought That All I Needed Was A Hot Wife To Run NASCAR” Award: Dario Franchitti
The Willie Mays “Please Retire, Because I Can’t Stand To See You This Way” Award: Bill Elliott
and finally…
The Casey Mears Award For Being An Average Performer On A Great Team:
Goes to…Rocky Kitts and Double Clutchin’. Seriously, a big thank you to Josh and the team here at Fast Machines for giving me the license to blog a little NASCAR this season and to be as serious or as silly as I wanted to be. I know that my style isn’t entertaining to all, but hey, you can’t be all things to all people. I’ve had a great time here this season and hope that you readers have as well. There have been better NASCAR seasons, that’s for sure, but this season still gave us some great moments to remember and hopefully next season will once again find us all talking about the end of another tremendous NASCAR season.
Last person out out of the garage make sure that all the tools are turned off, unplugged, and placed in their proper spots.
Thank you and God Bless to all. Even you Kasey.
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“The Alex Rodriguez Award For Outstanding Playoff Performance: Kyle Busch”
Sweet! You’ve stated (I think?) that you are a New York Yankee fan and that kind of comment is a sure indicator.
Great post, stay in touch for the silly season, it can only get better next year.